Inside: The lies that every mom must fight against if they want to find the courage to pursue a dream outside of their kids. Spoiler alert: going after a passion outside of "mom" might actually make you a better mama.
You and me, I think we both have a tendency to lie to ourselves. And I think we are a little more selfish than we let on.
We sometimes like to play the martyr card - that as moms everything we do is and should be about serving our little people.
“But if I pursue this it will take away from what I need to be doing as a mom. Being a mom is supposed to be my passion! It’s all I’ve really ever wanted...” I explained to my husband one night.
There was something I wanted to pursue - a creative outlet I wanted to explore and cultivate and dive into. I craved writing and putting ideas together and making something out of nothing come to life.
I had been pushing it back for months (maybe years?) and my reason was always that I was a mom and a wife first. That I needed all my energy and time to pour into them - my husband and my kids.
But there was something else holding me back - it wasn’t just a martyr’s attitude...it wasn’t just that I needed to give all my time to my husband and kids right now. No, what was actually holding me back was a little more selfish than that...
The Culprit...
We all have aspirations, but why do so few of us mamas muster the courage to pursue a dream?
When I was a kid sitting in art class, I was always so conscious of the fact that my watercolor didn’t look like the other kids. I was terrified that my painting would be laughed at, that my ideas would be mocked, or that my finished pottery would make it painfully obvious to everyone that I was not an artist.
Something in me desperately wanted to be “creative”- an artist of some sort. But I just didn’t have it in me - I wasn’t “creative”. And the fear that I would be ridiculed for the mismatched desire and skill level kept me from fully delving in.
The same applies to us as moms. Fear is often what can keep us from pursuing those creative outlets that we crave. We tell ourselves that our duty is motherhood right now, but I think there is more to it than that.
Really, it’s fear that holds us back.
5 fears that smother our courage to pursue a dream
1. We fear that we won't be good enough.
Who is the arbiter of “good enough”? And why are you and I so concerned with what others deem “good enough”?
The fear of not being good enough, or rather, someone else thinking that we are not good enough, is a fear that will keep you from doing anything worth pursuing in life. Don’t let someone else’s opinion, real or perceived, keep you from chasing after a dream . Go for it. Be brave.
2. We fear wasting precious time doing something that isn’t productive.
For some reason, as moms, we think that the bulk of our day should be spent being productive at home. Or, rather, has to have the appearance of being productive.
But then we often find ourselves scrolling through social media in the middle of the day - doing the one thing in life that is almost always totally unproductive. Instead, we could fill that space in our day working on a passion project; on something that invigorates our mind in a healthy way.
Engaging your creativity - your skills and talents - will help you to be more productive in other areas of your life. Using those skills that God has given you will give you more energy and motivation to get the more menial tasks done.
3. We fear the accountability that comes with our gifts and skills.
Sometimes just putting our head down and focusing on the things that are right in front of us - the diapers that need to be changed, the dinner that needs to be cooked, a house that could be a little cleaner - is much easier and less risky than looking up and out and doing things that don’t always have a clear, deliberate outcome.
Jumping into a skill or passion that God has given us will make us accountable to what the talent has to offer OTHER people. And that can be scary.
4. We fear that taking time to pursue a dream is selfish
And on the surface it might seem that way. Especially when most of our day is spent preparing meals for others, getting milk for our toddlers, doing laundry - all practical, visible, “necessary” acts of service. So then carving out time to do something on our own, something that brings us joy and happiness, sounds selfish (until we find ourselves in a mental cloud and we just can't seem to get out of the mom funk - then nobody is having a good day).
Let me tell you why having the courage to pursue a dream is not selfish:
- When you pursue a dream - when you take a little time each day to do something that brings you energy and joy and fun - you are modeling to your kids what it means to live a life that is honoring to God using the gifts He has given you. You are showing your kids that life is enjoyable and beautiful. And teaching them to find ways to use their unique gifts.
- Taking time to do something that you love to do will give you more mental clarity and joy for your children.
- Your skills and talents will serve others. God has given you those for a reason, so go out and explore them! If you allow Him - if you are obedient - He will use it for His glory.
5. We fear that we are actually not creative.
Let’s debunk the myth that you (yes, I’m talking to YOU) are not creative.
We are all creative. We were all created by the Creator, in His image. The WAY that we are creative may not look the way it did when Micheal Angelo was creative.
But you and I create everyday.
We make meal plans. We create systems and routines to help our kiddos thrive. We manage schedules and change up our plans when a child gets sick. We make up stories and songs with our little ones.
We create everyday. We are, by nature (because we are human) creative.
I don’t know about you, but when I hear the word creative images of artists in Italy or a pianist bashing away furiously at the keys - eyes shut tight - flood my mind.
Or I picture a group of writers at Walt Disney around a table fleshing out the story of the next hit.
Or a woman on her computer designing a logo for a new start-up.
I don’t usually picture myself. But I am learning too.
Something comes alive in us when we create. Something comes out of us and flows through us in a way that not much else does. We are creators, because we were made in the image of the Creator.
I may have never met you in person, but the fact that you are human means that you are creative. Your creativity and the things you create may not look like your friend down the street - and that is a good thing. We need your skills and talents and creativity because you were made and put here for a specific reason.
Ignoring your dreams is actually selfish
Ignoring those passions, hobbies and desires to pursue a dream is more selfish than not. God has given you passions and desires for a reason - to serve others and give glory to Himself.
And don't tell me that you are too busy.
You do have time in your day (albeit in small chunks), but you are choosing to fill them with other things. Maybe a little Netflix binging, let’s say?
When you choose to explore your creativity and passions you can see more clearly how God has uniquely gifted you to serve those around you.
And service is what us moms are all about, right?
Stop believing the lies. Stop being afraid. Start fostering courage to pursue a dream.
There are hundreds of reasons why doing something creative - practicing a hobby that we enjoy and love - can be done later. Can be put on the back burner.
That night, when I was in the bedroom with my husband, talking about some hard things, he said to me:
“You will not be a worse mom for not getting the floors moped or the dishes cleaned. You will be a BETTER mom if you are going hard after something that means a lot to you. Show our kids that you have a fire in your belly, and that you are willing to go for it”
He was asking me, pleading with me, to stop being afraid, to stop making excuses, and to start diving into the creativity and passions that God has given me.
He wanted it not only because he loves me and wants the best for me, but because he wants our boys to SEE me going after something that I love. Because, as parents, we want them to do the same.
So mama, it’s time to stop believing that lies about finding time to yourself to pursue things that are meaningful to you - and to start making time and effort follow your dreams.
The rest of us need what you have to offer.
I'm rooting for you!
