Inside: As mamas we often need a moment to regroup and compose ourselves. Even with kids swarming the house, you can get alone time at home! With a little intentionality, that "me-time" is just around the corner.
You crave time alone? Me, too.
Because you and I know that if we just had a minute to ourselves, to breathe long deep breaths, we could think more clearly and love more deeply.
You are not crazy; you are not a failure. You are a mom who is just looking for a minute of quiet to gather her thoughts.
I know, because I have been there.
I’ve been there, pretending to use the bathroom for the fifth time in thirty minutes just trying to get a second of quiet.
Like you, I’ve popped these headphones in, sure that the cure was to block out the chaos and zone out to the thoughts and conversations of my favorite podcasters (only to feel more frustrated and annoyed because of the constant interruptions).
I’ve pulled out a puzzle, and then sprinted to the back of the house to be alone, hoping they would play together for 3 minutes without an argument or realizing that I was gone.
It's OK that you are looking for ways to get alone time at home. It’s OK that you crave time to yourself.
You’re not the only one.
But there are better ways to get it.
There are more structured boundaries and rhythms that will give you a moment to breathe. It’s time to stop playing the cat and mouse game with me-time.
6 Hacks To Help You Get Alone Time At Home With A Full House
1. Choose one household task a day that you do without the help of your kids
If your kids are anything like mine, then they love to help out with cooking, folding laundry, or cleaning the bathrooms (give it a few years because I’m betting when they are old enough to actually help the interest will be lost…).
While I was preparing breakfast a few days ago, my oldest asked if he could help me cook. There had already been fussing and irritation that morning (plus I had slept past my alarm and didn’t get up before the kids), and by 7:15 I felt like I just needed a minute.
So I told him no.
I think we sometimes feel like we have to say yes every time our kids ask to play with them or they ask if they can help us with a task. And it is super important to say “YES!” most of the time (that is one of the secrets to having fun with your kids).
But there are times when you may just need to say “no”. And then give your kiddo an alternative.
Choose one household task that is designated for you to do alone. Maybe it’s cooking dinner. Your kiddos can help with lunch or breakfast, but they know that dinner is always something that you cook on your own.
Or maybe it’s the laundry - folding clothes is a task that you always do by yourself, while the kids play.
Choose one thing every day that you do without their help.
2. Drink more tea!
When I can feel my temper rising or my patience thinning, I will often heat up a cup of tea (most likely one that has been sitting on the counter for 2 hours) and sit down. When the kids ask me to play or get something for them I’ll tell them I would love to, but after I finish my “hot tea.”
This way, when you do go to play hide-and-seek, you won’t find yourself hiding in the closet praying that your kids magically forget about looking for you, go off to play something else, and leave you alone in the dark (guilty here!).
By the time you do start playing you’ll have already gotten that moment to yourself.
This little boundary - sitting down to drink my tea without getting up to play or help - gives my boys a chance to learn patience and boundaries. And they know that when I finish, I will jump on the trampoline, play tag, or grab a toy from up on a shelf they can’t reach.
Maybe you're not a tea or coffee drinker, but you can still use this little trick with a tall glass of water (plus it will keep you more hydrated throughout the day!).
3. Have a strict quiet time routine.
Even when your kids have stopped napping in the afternoon, get into the set routine of 1-2 hours a day where they play quietly in their room or in some corner of the house.
Mom guilt may set in when you see your little one wandering around, looking bored, trying to find something to do. But it’s good and healthy for your kids to be bored every now and then.
Kids need quiet time to recharge, too (they don’t recognize it yet, but it’s our job to teach them).
4. Vacuum with a podcast
Two years ago we fostered two brothers. They were newly 3 and 2 years old, and our biological son was 18 months (and I was pregnant and terribly sick).
And let me tell you something - we always had clean floors!
Not because my three were so well behaved, never left messes, and when they did they picked up after themselves.
No, it was because many days I would vacuum at least 3 times.
If I could feel the chaos in my brain start to move in and take over I would pull out the vacuum, pop in the earbuds, push play on my phone, and vacuum the mess out of those floors.
It was my little secret to getting a minute to think about something other than the immediacy of motherhood.
Plus, the floors stayed very clean 🙂
5. Go on a drive (or take long detours on your way home).
I had just picked up my oldest foster son from school after a long day of throwing up and running around with my two younger ones.
I felt exhausted.
So instead of turning right and heading back in the direction of our house, I went left. And kept driving.
Don’t feel bad about tossing the kids in the car and going on a drive for no other reason than to get out of the house and be in a place where the kids are contained and you can rest.
6. Wake up before the kids
Yes, yes, yes. You’ve heard this before 100 times. Let’s move on to something else. But let me ask you this:
Why are you not doing it?
You’ve got a house full of kids - and as sweet and darling and cute and clever as they are, you are going to need some quiet and calm to keep you sane.
The other 5 hacks that I have shared will work. But there are still going to be interruptions - diaper explosions that really can’t wait, a skinned up knee that needs to be attended to, or markers that need to be snatched out of the hands of your toddler (how is that new bedspread looking now??).
But if you wake up before the kids, when the rest of the world is sleeping too, is the only time as a mom that you can guarantee time to yourself.
And let me tell you, that time alone is necessary to recharge, refuel, and be filled by the Holy Father.
Now It’s Time For You To Get The Alone Time That You Crave.
Feeling overwhelmed, mentally cloudy, and sporadic is totally normal.
But while it may be normal, it shouldn’t be the norm. And these 6 hacks are ways that you can find a minute alone during the day, get a quick recharge, and feel equipped to reengage your sweet kiddos with renewed energy and attention.
So remember, next time you are feeling burned out during the day, try one of these tricks to get a moment to breath:
- Do a chore by yourself, and say no when your kids try to help.
- Heat up a cup of tea or grab a glass of water and set a boundary that you aren’t going to play or help until the tea is gone.
- Be consistent with the kids' afternoon quiet time!
- Vacuum and turn on a podcast (even if you have already vacuumed twice today!).
- Go on a drive around town.
- Wake up before the kids
So on mama! You’ve got this.
I’m rooting for you,
