Inside: Stop wishing for better mom habits, and start doing what it takes to build the routines and systems that you know would make life run smoother. These are the 6 tips to help moms build better habits.
“Do I have any clean boxers?” was a question I seemed to be getting asked at least once a week. After which I would hustle to the dryer to scrounge around the cold, wrinkly clothes in search of a pair for my patient husband.
Laundry is something I don’t put a lot of thought into. I throw the clothes in, push the button, and often seem to forget about them. I will admit that from time to time I have had to wash a load of clothes more than once because I let the clean, but still wet, load sit in the washing machine for far too long (please don’t tell my Mamaw. She would be so disappointed).
But guess what? Laundry is pretty important. It is something that needs to be done. Without clean clothes my husband would either head off to a meeting naked (not a good idea), or watch as people backed away from the sour smell emanating from his dark grey polo.
Neither option seems like a good one.
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Habits can be hard to break - bad or good.
They can also be hard to make. And too often we take the easy pass and say “that’s just who I am”. I’m just the mom who:
- Stays up way too late every night
- Always forgets to pack diapers in the diaper bag (been there, done that! More than a time or two…)
- Can’t wake up early before the kids
- Bursts into complaints as soon as my husband walks in the door after a long day
- Has zero control when sweets are around
- Is always late
But, guess what? You don’t have to be “that kind of mom.” You can change your behaviors and habits.
When Our Identity Is Wrapped Up In Our Bad Habits
Mine have been. I bet yours have been, too.
I grew up overseas - from 5 till 18 I lived in Asia. And when I came back to to the US for college I was met with a rude awakening - a rude awakening to life on my own; to a world where a dollar wasn't enough to buy a meal; a world in which people all looked and sounded like me; a world where motorcycles weren’t a part of the everyday routine; a world where I could not eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.
I gained about 20 pounds that first year of college. The hardest part? It felt like my identity had been ripped out of my hands. My whole life I had been the skinny girl who could eat whatever she wanted and as much as she wanted. And this was more a part of my identity than I ever realized.
So when I got to college and I couldn’t eat 3 plates plus desert at every meal, I went into a little bit of a downward spiral. I had literally been plopped into a new world. My old life had been stripped from me - and now this, too??
Up until I got to college this habit of eating whatever, whenever had no consequences. Recognizing that this fact had changed, and working through that loss of identity (or what felt like a loss) was a huge challenge.
Changing that habit - that mindset - took years. In fact, I still struggle with it from time to time. Not because of the actual fact of the matter, but because for so long I found my identity in that habit.
Do you have any habits that you feel bound to? That you feel like are just a part of who you are? That you laugh off, saying “oh well, I’m just that way”?
Because you don’t have to be that way. Your identity should not (and is not) wrapped up in the fact that you are always late, or that you always leave a pile of dishes in the sink, or that you drive like a maniac.
Your identity is in something much greater - and He is honored and glorified when we replace those bad habits with habits that are helpful, good, and fruitful.
6 Ways To Build Any Habit
You can build any habit that you set your mind to. You don’t have to be the mom who always forgets to get the laundry done. You can do better than that! Here are some ways how:
1. Make it fun and celebrate small wins.
I have a philosophy that life can and should be fun. Not all the time, not everyday and in every situation (trust me, I know there is plenty of sadness and darkness in the world). But I see life as one big adventure and, where we can, we should make it enjoyable. My husband might disagree with me on this philosophy, but I’ll discuss that with him in private 🙂
Same goes for the habits you are trying to build- make them fun! Add a little pizazz to the routines, practices, or systems you are trying to put into place. Maybe treat yourself when you have a few days in a row of success, or buy something with a little flare that is not necessary but will make it easier to build your new habit.
2. Record progress visually
Last year I bought my first real planner. Unwrapping that little box I felt like I had finally made it - like I had finally grown up and had important things to do!
But what I loved most about that planner was not the colors or fonts or weekly spreads. It was a five row, five column grid up in the top right corner - a “habit tracker”. Each row represented a “habit” that I wanted to work on, and each column represented a day in the week. Every day that I worked on my habits (or the tasks that I wanted to do everyday) I could put a big ‘ole “X” in the corresponding box.
Magical.
That visual progress has helped me to be more consistent with working out, writing little notes to my husband, drinking more water, getting the laundry done…
So if you want to build a new habit, put a huge calendar on your wall and mark every day that you work on that habit. The visual accountability will be more motivation then you probably are willing to admit (plus, it does make it a little more fun 🙂 )
3. Tell someone else about your goal
And this one is especially hard when our identity is wrapped around the bad habits we are trying to get rid of. Because we don’t want to admit that we have been doing it wrong (especially after years of making excuses for it).
But if you don’t tell someone else what you are doing, your chances of success go way down. You and I both need social pressure to make good on the promises that we make to ourselves. So tell someone that you trust what habit you are working to build. And have them check in on you every now and then.
4. Make it easy
If it looks like we have a mountain to climb, we are likely to stay at base camp. But if we can see a little clearing up ahead, we are more likely to tell ourselves to just make it to that point. Then we can decide if we will go further.
If you constantly are forgetting to pull your nice tops out of the laundry to let them air dry, write a big ‘ole note to yourself that says “Take Shirts Out”, and stick it right on your washing machine so that you can’t miss it. Not that I have had to do that, or anything...
Or maybe you want to start drinking more water - buy a water bottle and keep it on the kitchen counter where you will see it all day. Don’t make yourself grab a cup out of the cabinet every time you remember to drink (because you won’t remember). Make it easy - buy a cute bottle, and fill that sucker up!
Or maybe you have gotten into the habit of opening up Instagram every morning, first thing - your phone is your alarm clock so it's just too dang irresistible to scroll for a few minutes! Girl, buy an alarm clock and then put your phone in another room at night. Make it easier on yourself.
Your will power can only go so far.
5. Be consistent
Ah, consistency. Incredibly boring. But absolutely vital.
Keep going, even when you are tired of it, even when building the habit is no longer fun. The power of consistency is so often overlooked, but really it is the wet glue that gets our habits to stick - the more consistent you are, the drier the glue gets. Until one day you're stuck with it.
On the other hand, every time you decide to take a few days off or slack up a bit for no other reason than you “just don’t feel like doing it”, you’re messing with the wet glue. Yes, it will still eventually dry - it will just take longer.
6. Expect imperfection
With that being said, you and I are both human. We both have things that come up, and we both have battles we have to fight within ourselves. So expect imperfection when it comes to building a habit.
There will be days you decide to NOT drink that extra bottle of water, or you slip up and stay up way later than you wanted to, or you are late to a few appointments in a row. But don’t let the imperfection make you throw your hands up and say “nevermind!”.
If you go into it expecting imperfection (because, let me break it to you softly: you are NOT perfect), when the imperfection makes itself known you will be less likely to quit.
I love Jon Acuff’s quote in his most recent book, Finish:
“This is the first lie that perfectionism tells you about goals: Quit if it isn’t perfect.” - Jon Acuff
You Can Build Any Habit
You and I have the ability to make choices, and we have to become accountable to those choices. So stop saying “that’s just who I am” if there is a better way to do something. You can build any habit that you want to build. It will just take time and energy. And, if you want to really conquer a habit, remember to:
- Make it fun
- Record your progress visually (charts, checklists, calendars, etc).
- Tell someone else about your goal
- Make it easy on yourself
- Be consistent
- Expect imperfection
With these 6 little tips in mind, you can build any habit that you want to, mama.
Stop making excuses, and start making change.
I’m rooting for you!
