In the last 40ish minutes I have downed about 22 Hershey kisses.
Like a racoon pillaging the dumpster, I peeled silver wrapper after silver wrapper and threw those hunks of dark sweetness into my mouth. I am not even sure I really tasted them, either.
And I would love to sit here and tell you that I needed that hit of chocolate - that I felt great and love that I can have a few minutes during naptime to eat whatever I want.
I would love to lie and say that I had total control over myself and knew exactly what I was doing and made a conscious choice to stuff myself with sugar because - well heck - I wanted to!
But if I’m being totally honest, I don’t feel that great. And I am disappointed that while I am writing this series on self-care, I’m not doing a great job with it, myself.
Stay At Home Moms Need To Re-Frame How We Think About Self-Care
If you are anything like me, then you sometimes use self-care as an excuse to over-indulge. But if we are being honest, are we really taking care of ourselves by eating ridiculous amounts of sugar? Or salt? Or butter? Or whatever your vice may be.?
In Part I of this series we talked about the hidden dangers of self-care for stay at home moms. Today we are going to talk about how we can reframe our attitude towards self-care and use it to make long term changes in our lives.
7 Truths For A Stay At Home Mom’s Self Care Routine
1. More of yourself is not going to help you deal with yourself.
I recognize that this is not a popular thing to say - but it is the truth.
I am broken, confused, selfish, and greedy. The more of myself that I get, the more of those I will become.
“Everything you need is already inside you” is a phrase that I hear more and more, but mama, it's just not true.
I KNOW that on my own I definitely DO NOT have whatever I need to get through all that life is going to throw at me.
Society tries to tell us that we are “enough” but that is a lie from the pit of hell. On our own, we don’t come anywhere close to being enough! Jesus is the true sustainer and, if we buy into the lie that we are “enough”, we negate the value of His perfect life and His sacrifice on the cross. If we are enough, there was no need for Jesus to come. We can’t earn our salvation and must trust that Jesus is enough in our weakness.
2. While You and I have limits, God is limitless.
So when you or I start to say that in ourselves, we already have all that we need we are flat out lying.
We are humans - mortals - and as such we have limits. We DON’T have everything that we need on our own. We need something that has far more power, knowledge, wisdom, and foresight than we do to help us get through those tough days (and the easy ones, too).
You are going to break down and yell at your kids. You are going to feel like you can’t deal with another diaper explosion (I just cleaned up a massive one myself…). You are going to get bad news about a loved one - and in those moments you are going to need an outside source to help you get through it.
"We need something that has far more power, knowledge, wisdom, and foresight than we do to help us get through those tough days."
3. God wants you to practice self-care... in a healthy way
In 1 Kings 19 we see Elisha exhausted and tired, and ready to give up. What did God do? Did He tell him to suck it up and keep going? No - he gave Elisha what he needed - He gave him something to eat.
God cares for you. He loves you. He wants the best for you.
But guess what? He doesn’t ask you to take care of yourself - He has said that He wants to take care of you.
True self-care is not about doing for yourself - it’s about opening up and letting God do for you; letting God care for you.
4. Jesus should be our ultimate “self-care” example
I cannot imagine living the life that Jesus lived - constantly surrounded by crowds of people - always healing, preaching, touching, loving. It sounds exhausting.
Jesus knew that He needed to replenish and refresh:
“But Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray.” Luke 5:16
The difference between what He did, and what we so often do, is that He got time away so that He could be filled by His Father. He knew that only then would He be able to glorify God and pour into others.
Likewise, we must allow ourselves to be filled by God so we can serve others the way we were created to.
5. Our bodies need to be treated with respect
“Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.” Romans 12:1
We must take care of our bodies. As moms, this is so important not only because God has asked us to, but also because our children are looking to us as examples for how to care for our physical bodies.
So work to stay fit and active - that is taking care of your body. Remember from Part I: real self-care is not always fun or easy - it is hard and takes discipline!
Sitting in front of the TV with a bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough is not taking care of yourself (dang it!). As such - this is not self-care!
6. The goal of our self-care routine is to glorify God - not to feel better about our circumstances
Our self-care practices should be centered on allowing ourselves the time and space for rejuvenation SO THAT we can glorify God - not so that we can feel better.
We are called to love God, and to love people. First love God. Your stay at home mom self-care routine should be centered around preparing yourself to glorify God more fully.
7. Allow God to pour into you while you pour out to others.
The second part of our calling is to love people. We want to pour into our husbands and children. We hope to give them the best of ourselves - but we can’t do that in our own strength. And when we try to build up that strength by participating in shallow “self-care” practices, we actually hurt the process.
God is our source - it is He who will fill us.
Self-care is about being filled by God - sitting at His feet and waiting for Him. Then and only then can you go out and fully pour into others.
You don’t worry about filling yourself up - let God do that for you.
"Self-care is about being filled by God - sitting at His feet and waiting for Him. Then and only then can you go out and fully pour into others."
Self-Care for Moms is Ultimately Not About You
In the end, self-care for stay at home moms (and really anyone) is not about you. It is about loving God, and loving people. It is about fulfilling our calling to serve and glorify God. It is about being who He created us to be, living in joy and fullness and hope.
And allowing Him to be our source of that joy, fullness, and hope.
And It’s Even More Joy-filled This Way.
This doesn’t sound fun, I know. I would rather hear that self-care is about getting afternoons to myself, weekends reading books, bubble baths and glasses of wine, and eating pints and pints and pints of Tonight Show Dough from Ben & Jerry’s. But it’s not.
And you know what I have found? It’s actually more fulfilling this way.
When I take care of my body, instead of over indulging on chocolate; when I spend my free afternoon in the Word instead of vegging out to YouTube videos; when I choose to wake up early instead of sleeping in - that is when I truly feel refreshed, energized, and more cared for. That is when I feel best as a mom, wife, and friend.
Stick around, friend. Because next week I will give you some practical, truly energizing “self-care” practices for stay at home moms. I promise these will not be shallow - these will make you better at what you were created to do. Join me then!
I'm rooting for you,
