Just today. It happened just today, right when I was patting myself on the back for being an understanding, loving, patient parent, I went and lost it. No, I didn't scream out loud or throw a toy across the room (but did I WANT TO??? yes siree bob). But I did totally loose my cool with my 2 year-old.
I want to be a more patient parent. My guess is that you want to be a more patient parent, too. I've been thinking about this a lot lately now that I have two kiddos and I feel more tired than before. Now, more than ever, I know that I need to PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE patience with my 2-year-old.
So here are the things I am trying to keep in mind as I am figuring out how to be a mom of two. My hope is that these are helpful to you, too. We are in this together mama!
So let's start. I think its important to remind ourselves that:
We Should Not Punish Our Children For Our Lack of Planning
This is a biggie for me! I find myself getting irritated with my little man when I am rushing to either: get somewhere on time, prepare dinner, or tidy up the house before my husband gets home from work. Guess what? It's not my son's fault that I did not plan ahead and it's not his fault that I am running late.
In order to be a more patient parent, we need to do our part and plan ahead. When real life happens and planning ahead doesn't get done, we need to put our big girl pants on and be a patient parent, anyway. And in reality, it just might be more important for us to be loving, kind, and patient, then it is to get somewhere irritated, upset, and in a bad mood - but on time!
TIP:
Try planning for twice as much time as you think you will need to get out the door. Then, if you happen to get everyone ready early (hahahahahaha!) you can sit down and read a book together before it is time to go.
Remember That They Are Easily Distracted
It can be easy to get annoyed when they don't do exactly what we want, when we want them to.
"I just asked him to put on his shoes, why is he picking up that marker, asking for a cup of water, and stopping to study a ladybug on the floor along the way (yes, we have ladybugs in our house ALL THE TIME)??"
If we want to be a more patient parent, we have to remember that they are easily distracted because they have not yet learned how to separate what is important for NOW, and what can be done later. As adults, we have this ability. As toddlers...not so much. So it is our job to teach them this skill. And good teachers don't yell and get frustrated when their students are in the middle of learning and mastering a concept.
Now does that mean they can choose what they do, when they do it, and deliberately disobey? No. But it does mean that we need to keep in mind that their brains are developing, and it may take them a little longer to get something done than it takes us.
Tip:
When you give instructions, remember that they might need some guidance to complete the task. Don't ask them to put on their shoes, run across the house to grab your bag, and then get mad when you come back and they are still looking at that DANG lady bug! Give instruction, then wait and watch and redirect when needed.
We Need To Pause and Think About The Circumstances
A few weeks ago I witness this: a 2-year-old jumping off the couch into a pile of crayons as he scrambled to get to 4 balls of string that had been left on the floor, before sprinting around the room to the kitchen - string tangling itself around rocking chairs and sofa legs as he went. And that was MY 2-year-old. I almost lost ALL OF THE PATIENCE.
Before you loose your cool (like I almost did), take a minute and think about what is going on. Is your kiddo tired? Has the day been more hectic or chaotic than normal? Have you been on your phone all morning and its possible they are craving a little bit of attention from their mom? Think about if there is an underlying reason for their behavior. This is not an EXCUSE for their attitude/behavior/disobedience, but it does give a REASON for why they are acting the way they are, and you can react accordingly. And thinking this through before you react will help you to be more patient and understanding of their behavior.
Tip:
The next time your kiddo is jumping off the couch into a pile of crayons and sprinting off to his bedroom while throwing Lego pieces down the hall, take a minute to think about whether he could be hungry, tired, or in need of some extra love (after, of course, stubbing your baby toe on the toy car while chasing him to his room).
Sometimes They Just Need Us To Look Them In The Eyes
This simple act can have a huge influence on your little one. I got this little tidbit from Christy at A Fostered Life, and while it may seem simple and intuitive, I found I wasn't doing it as much as I assumed I was. Once I was intentional about stopping, looking my son in the eye, and giving him that minute or so of undivided attention, little man would go about his business of playing.
So instead of trying to be more patient while you are chopping up those carrots, STOP what you are doing an give them 30 seconds of undivided attention.
Why does this work? Kids really just want and need our attention. They want to know that we hear them, that we see them, that we delight in them, that we love them. Giving them this little bit of eye-to-eye time will usually satisfy that need. Then, once you are finished with what you need to get done, you can give them a bigger chunk of intentional time.
TIP:
Next time you are in the kitchen with kiddos clawing at your leg, try stopping whatever you are doing, looking them in the eye, and giving them 30 seconds of your undivided (and patient) attention. Let them know you will get down and play once you finish what you are doing.
Their Verbal Skills Can't Keep Up With Their Thoughts
I can't tell you the number of times my little guy has come up to me and I've dismissed what he has to say because I can't really understand him. This usually leads to bad behavior, and I later realize if I would have just been a bit more patient and taken the time to understand what he was trying to verbalize, I could have mitigated the drama (and shown him that what he has to say is important).
So much time of our day might be just figuring out what our toddlers are trying to communicate to us with their limited verbal skills. Their little brains are far more developed than what they can verbalize, so image how frustrating it might be for them trying to jump over that gap. Especially when their parents are not taking the time to understand what they are trying to get across.
To be a more patient parent, we have remember that when our little ones are speaking, they actually HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY! We can be prone to assume that what toddlers have to say is not important,. But when we are not patient and don't take the time to listen, we miss out on an opportunity to show our children that they matters and that we care.
TIP:
Next time you don't understand exactly what your little one is trying to tell you, take the time to get down at their level and wait while they work to get their thoughts out. Give them the space and time to let their mouth catch up with their brain.
Get Our Little Ones Involved With What We Are Doing
As my big guy gets older, I'm learning that he can help out with more and more around the house. And at this age, he wants to help out so I might as well take advantage of it! So in an an effort to be a more patient parent, I am learning to get him involved in the cooking or cleaning up or folding of laundry.
But this does mean sacrifice on my part. Washing dishes use to mean some (attempted) time to myself listening to a podcast - which always lead to my getting impatient when little man interrupted. I am learning to give that up in order to be more intentional and patient with my guy. Now, instead, I pull up a chair for him to stand on next to the sink and let him rinse the dishes after I wash them.
TIP:
Next time you are cooking, pull up a chair and let your little one stand by the counter and help. Hand him/her a carrot or bell pepper or give them something (ANYTHING!!) to stir. Let them be a part of what you are doing, instead of vainly trying to get things done in peace 🙂
Get Some Time Alone with God (Start A Mama's Morning)
We all need to be refilled and re-charged. It is not our husband's or kid's or friend's job to do that. It is God's job. He has promised to give us what we need, and we need to be resting in that and seeking more of Him EVERYDAY. You will never be able to be more patient if you are not being filled up yourself.
"But I can't find time in the day!"
"Every time I sit down one of my kids decides to throw a tantrum or yell for some more milk!"
"I can't take precious time away from my family!"
The key is to do it on your own time. Whether that is waking up early before the rest of your family, or staying up 30 minutes later (I suggest the morning! Hands down, one of the most important thing I can do to benefit my family during the day is have my mama's morning). Don't try to get time to yourself at 10 AM when your little one is wanting and needing some time with his/her mama. Sacrifice a little sleep, wake up a little earlier, and get some quiet time to plan, pray, and sit with our Lord.
TIP:
Set your alarm for 30 minutes earlier than normal for tomorrow morning. Start your day off with a cup of coffee or tea, your Bible, and prayer.
Your Kids Will Learn From You - They Will Do What You Do
If you find yourself yelling, getting upset, throwing something, stomping away, or just being rude to your child, remember this: they are watching and learning from you. They will learn how to respond to situations according to how you, their parent, respond and behaves. Take that for some motivation to keep your attitude in check 😉
So act and react the way that you would want your child to react. Be the example they need to see.
Tip:
Treat your kids like you want them to treat others.
Apologize To Your Kiddo When You Loose Your Cool
Because they will do what you do, it is super important to let them know when you make a mistake - and apologize for it! They need to see that we all make mistakes, and that it is OK. But we do need to ask for forgiveness from those that we have hurt.
Remember: Being More Patient Will Take Time
So practice, practice, practice, being patient with your little ones. You will not become the queen of calm, cool, and collected overnight, so be patient with yourself, as well 🙂
I'm rooting for ya!
