The stone was cold and hard pressing into my skin. I leaned against the wall and peered through the square opening cut out of the stone. The dark landscape was vast and the night sky, speckled with stars, was wide and deep ahead of me. My mind took me back thousands of years, to when a soldier would have been looking through this same window as armies marched through the wilderness poised to attack.
On this night, we had left our hotel after dark, walked into the old city of Jerusalem, and explored the deserted alleys, stone rooms, tunnels, and eventually the outer wall on the far end of the city. As I sat. literally inside, the city wall, I was struck with the grandeur of it - how it shouted to all who found themselves on the outside:
“You are not welcome here!”
Thinking back on it now, I can’t help but imagine each of us standing inside our own self-made stone walls.
There is one word that has crept into our everyday vernacular which makes it clear to those around us that our borders are not open; that our life is closed off to them. It’s a word we use in many ways to elevate our own worth and value; there is no intentional, malicious intent behind it's use.
But with it we are signaling to the community around us that they are to stay out.
The Word That’s Keeping The World Out
Busy - a word I’ve been guilty of using like it’s a badge of honor. As if somehow I’m more important or more valued or more worthy if I’ve got a lot on my plate.
While there is nothing inherently wrong with being busy (Jesus seemed to be pretty busy), constantlysaying we are “busy” is like slapping a sign across our forehead that shouts: “I don’t have time for you!”.
That is the exact opposite of who Jesus was and what He was about.
There is a difference between using the word "busy", and actually being busy. We should, in some sense, be busy. In fact, the Bible warns us against the dangers of being idle. Timothy says:
Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.
1 Timothy 5:13
In many ways it’s good to have a full schedule, but declaring to the world that we are “oh, so busy!” is a totally different story.
With each use of the word "busy" we stack another brick in the wall that is slowly closing us off from those around us - a wall that pushes others out when they potentially need us the most.
The Dangers of Being Busy In Our Own Homes
I’ve noticed oftentimes the best conversations come when there is stillness. Not total stillness (when is there ever total stillness?), but stillness in that I’m not rushed doing the next thing on my list. When we are reading a book or making dinner frenzy-free (it’s possible), or building a fire outside, that's when my son will tell me something new about school, or my husband will bring up something hard that’s going on.
I’ve learned that’s part of my role as a wife and mama - I need to be the one who is open to those conversations, who is available, who isn’t more concerned with the list, who isn't constantly on the move headed to the next task.
When we are busy and rushed, even when it’s with laundry, making beds, preparing dinner, or wiping pee off the floor for the 25th time that day, it signals to those we love most that we aren’t available. A wall slowly gets built around us, in our own homes. And the last wall we want to build is the one that rises up between ourselves and our husband or kids.
The Dangers of Appearing Busy In Our Community
We don’t want our “busy” to build walls around us within our own homes, but we also don’t want there to be walls between us and our community.
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There was a time, several years ago, when I went through something especially hard. I knew of a women from my church who had been through the exact same experience, and I craved to sit down, with a cup of tea in hand, to chat with her about how she navigated the situation.
What stopped me was this: up until that point, every conversation I had with her involved the word “busy”.
And when I felt like I needed her the most, I convinced myself that her hectic schedule would keep her from being available to lend her heart and wisdom.
Likewise, I can imagine someone else is telling the exact same story about me.
How to be busy, but available
It can be a delicate line to walk - we don't want to waste our days when life is short and time is limited. Or, we hate to be idle when there are so many people in the world with legitimate need. Shouldn't we be spending as much time as possible helping to alleviate some of the pain we see all around us?
Yes. The answer is yes. We should be pouring ourselves out in service to others.
But not to the extent that our busyness becomes a barrier to those in our families and community. If our plate is already too crowded (and, more importantly, if everyone knows it), we won’t have room to be there for those who need us most.
Practically, though, how do we make sure we are creating enough open space to have real, deep relationships, while still fighting against being idle? How do we make sure we are busy, but also available?
1. Stop saying the word “busy”
You don’t need to declare it, you just need to live it. Be busy. Serve. Get dirty. But don’t keep shouting it out to the world. Every time you use the word "busy" it's just another brick being stacked.
2. Schedule “buffer times”
Before I had kids, my sister would always talk about “transition times”. I had no clue what she was talking about, and frankly thought she was a little crazy for being so obsessed.
Now that I have kids, I totally get it.
Don’t schedule your day to the minute. Leave some space to have conversations, take it slow, and look other human beings in the eye.
3. Make a priorities list
A friend and I were talking about this the other day when she brought up the idea of having a mission statement as a mama. And I really love this concept - because when we have a mission statement we build a barrier against being idle. When we have a mission statement, we can measure what we are spending our time doing against what we have said our priorities are.
Is watching this episode of the Bachelorette helping me be the wife, mama, or friend, I want to be? No. Then ditch it.
Does serving in this specific role at my kids school fit into my mission statement and does it make sense with my personal priorities? If not, don’t feel bad saying “No, thank you!”
4. Be busy, but don’t be rushed
In his widely popular book, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, John Mark Comer says:
“…the solution to an overbusy life is not more time. It’s to slow down and simplify our lives around what really matters.”
If you have to run through your day to get everything done, you just might have too much to do. Go back to your priorities and chop away at what doesn’t fit within them.
But even then, there will be days that are just full. And on those days, I’ve noticed I have to be very intentional to calm my body in this fight against hurry. The frantic pace is probably not actually making things go faster, anyway (in fact, in the long run the frenzy might be making you slower).
Every rushed step you take is another brick being piled up between you and those around you.
Practice physically slowing yourself down. Stop and look in your kid's eyes. Walk, don’t run, around the kitchen while you’re cooking. Neatly stack the laundry in your kid's drawer.
You'll be fine, and what needs to be done will get done.
The Mission to Be Busy, But Available
The challenge to myself, and I write this to encourage you to do the same, is to stop using the word "busy". Instead, I want to remember that while that word serves to boost my own value, it is simultaneously pushing others out of my way.
I don’t want to live that way. I know you don’t, either.
Using the word busy can keep those who really need us out. It has the tendency to show those around us that what we are doing is more important than the person in front of us. And I'm not sure (though I’m happy to debate) that anything I'm doing is of more value than the faces in front of me.
Let’s take a moment to look at our schedules, examine our attitudes, and start being the kind of women that are busy with good work, but never too busy to see the people around us. Let us be working, but always with our eyes open and looking forward into the eyes of those around us.
I’m rooting for you!
