Inside: Are you tired of trying, and failing, to make changes in your life? It's frustrating! Here's the thing: you might be going about it all wrong. Here are 5 ways to create habits from a place of rest and excited anticipation, because only then will they truly stick. 

My stomach was in knots. The egg and cheese breakfast sandwich my mom had made for me was now doing somersaults in my belly, trying to push its way back up through my throat. Sun beams slammed against my head, making my hair steamy and hot. I was standing at the starting line, willing for this race to just be over (and hoping against all hope that eggs and bacon didn’t force its way out of my mouth). I stood waiting for the loud pop! of the gun so I could start, run, and be done.

When I was in high school I ran track. In high school I hated running.

“But you have a runner’s body!” Everyone would tell me. 

“If you really trained you'd be amazing.”

“You have sooo much natural talent.”

So I ran - a little bit of resentment tucked away as I did sprints and ran laps. 

I was on the track team because others told me I should. 

But I didn’t like the pressure, I didn’t like the competition, and I didn't like the feeling of running (I would say “who does?” but ** spoiler alert** - I do now 🙂 )

My boyfriend’s (now husband’s) family liked to run 5ks on the weekends, and would often ask me to join.

I did, but more out of obligation than desire. I hated waking up early and tying my shoelaces in the dark and standing around waiting for the start gun to fire, debating on whether or not I should hustle to the bathroom one last time. 

I did it because I felt like it was expected of me. 

::

Sometimes as moms we have a tendency to do things out of obligation to others, rather than out of a desire to honor God with who He created us to be. 

I have a sense that, deep down, a lot of what we’re doing is flowing from a place of discontentment - we feel like we need something more. Maybe to please someone else or look like they look or have routines like they have. 

But when we try to grasp new rhythms or habits or patterns out of misplaced obligation to others, the changes don’t last, and they won’t bring the transformation we were craving to begin with. 

If we really want true change - if we want to build habits and routines that are lasting and good and life-giving - we have to make those changes out of a place of contentment, rest, and excited anticipation.

Here are 5 steps to doing that:

1. Be content with where you are

I had a P.E. teacher back in high school who I remember saying:

“You are wherever you go”. 

This has replayed in my mind over and over again. There have been so many times where I’ve found myself dreaming of another move or another group of friends or another child, and have to remind myself that discontentment doesn’t end when some new “thing” comes into my life. If I’m discontent here, I will likely be discontent there, as well.

If you’re anything like me, you sometimes imagine that starting a new routine or forging new patterns in your life will make you happier and more satisfied. And yes - the good thing about routines and rhythms is that they do often add so much value to our lives.

But being discontent doesn’t change when your circumstances change. Discontentment transforms to contentment when we appreciate what we do have, and when our eyes are focused on our Creator and who He has created us to be. 

At the same time, we all need to be growing. Right? There is nothing in our world that’s alive but stagnant. If there is life, there is growth. 

A quote by Maya Angelou comes to mind: 

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."

So keep doing the best with what you have, enjoy where you are. But when you find some new information or have a new idea that might improve things - do it!

But don’t spend all your time looking for “the better” and miss what’s right in front of you, right now. 

2. Be expectant and excited about the change 

Do you feel dread every time you think about that new habit or routine you “need” to work on? If the answer is yes, then it might be time to stop and take a step back. 

Not a permanent step - chances are the change you are working towards is good and God-honoring.

But just like a child who stomps off to clean their room, muttering and complaining the entire way - we sometimes approach habit building and life changes the same way: we will do it, but we are darn well gonna be grumpy about it!

If your reason to change is based on someone else’s opinion or thoughts, that resentment will only build. And you need to stop and reassess your motives before you go further.

Life-giving habits won’t come or stay if you’re busy being huffy about the fact that you “have” to build them. 

Instead of feeling dread, you should feel excited expectation for the potential change. 

So how do you do that? 

1. Write down what you expect this new habit or routine to bring. What value will it add and how can it positively affect your life? Write down what it will look like, what it will make possible, and what it will bring to light that maybe now is hidden in the shadows. 

2. Decide to change your perspective. I know that sounds simplistic, but sometimes it really is that simplistic. Change the language you’re using within your own thoughts. Remind yourself of why you want the change and be grateful you have a body and mind that are capable of change. 

It’s about reframing.

If you find yourself dreading waking up early or feel resentful for the fact that everyone keeps telling you how important exercise is or how important it is that you read to your kids every day, take a break.

Instead, spend time going to God and asking Him to check your heart and your motives. Then re-evaluate.

Otherwise that habit just won’t stick.

3. Recognize that change is a process

Rarely does a habit change overnight. In fact, if you really want to adjust and wrangle a habit, it will take discipline and effort. It takes consistent action over time (and man - isn’t that way easier said than done?). 

As with every process there are bumps and hiccups along the way. And that is OK! It’s a journey. Changing habits is hard, and rarely fun. 

Go into it with the journey - not the destination - in mind. You’ll get a lot more out of it, and won’t feel so bogged down and burned out when things don't go as planned. 

4. Enjoy the process

When I was a senior in high school my class went on the ever anticipated senior trip. It included a long bus ride and short trip on a ferry before we landed on a beautiful little island lined with fresh fruit stands, smoothie vendors, and outdoor restaurants that served banana pancakes for breakfast.

We were basically headed to paradise. 

But as we stuffed ourselves into the bus,  I don’t think any of the 43 of us were thinking about where we were headed.

No - when we started out we were all thinking about the conversations to be had, games to be played, the people we wanted to sit by and hopefully hold hands with...

We knew we would have a blast once we got to the beach. But as we clambered into that bus, we were just anticipating the journey.

What if we took that same perspective when it came to habit building? What if instead of wishing to be somewhere different, we learned to enjoy the process? What if we saw beauty in the road we were on, instead of aching for the horizon?

So mama, enjoy the process. Changing habits is hard (how many times can I say that?). It’s not going to be easy. So just take your time. Appreciate what's going on around you, and learn something from where you are right now.

5. Acknowledge that change is a choice

You are choosing to make a change. No one is forcing this on you. If you don’t want the transformation, then stop working towards it. 

Flash forward 3 or so years after my high school track days - the sun is slowly starting to rise over the horizon, and the air is a golden yellow. I breathe in deep and run through the trails with a smile. 

In college I was in the rhythm of waking up at 4:00 every morning and running 8+ miles with my husband. I craved the runs and loved the fresh air and the peace and stillness that the forest brought. 

In college I was known as a runner.

So what changed to make me suddenly love the sport that had once brought so much dread? 

This time it was my choice. I decided to run because I wanted to do it. No one was asking or telling me that I should. 

I didn’t start back running out of guilt.

I didn’t feel pressure to meet a goal or make someone else proud. I didn't start running again thinking I would go on to run 2 50km races, a marathon, and several half marathons. 

But somehow my short runs in the evenings became multiple-hour long runs in the early mornings. And I loved every minute of it. 

So mama, if you want to build lasting, life-giving habits, don’t do it because someone told you you should or because you are utterly discontent with your own life. 

Do it because you want to be more of the person that God is calling you to be.

Do it because you know the good things that can come from it and you are excited about the potential. 

Next time you start yelling at yourself to eat less sugar or wake up earlier or cook more at home, STOP. And remember these 5 steps to building habits out of excited expectation: 

1. Be content with where you are
2. Be expectant and excited about the change 
3. Recognize that change is a process
4. Enjoy the process
5. Acknowledge that change is a choice

I’m rooting for you!