Inside: It's easy to feel lost in motherhood. But it is possible to dream again as a mom. Don't know how to start? Here are 6 ways:

Diapers. Breakfast. Tantrums. Coloring. Dishes. Fights. Legos. Laundry. Lunch. Naps. Cleaning. Hide-and-Seek. Phone calls. Referee-ing. Dinner. Books. Bath. Bed. Dishes. Cleaning. Shower. Collapse. 

The life of a stay at home mom can feel oddly monotonous and chaotic at the same time. In the midst of all the doing, it’s easy to forget who we were before we became mom. Not that pre-mom was a better version, but some of who we are is still back there, waiting to be remembered.

I had a reader recently reach out to me and say:

“I would love to dream again.”

I don’t think she is alone. 

Your Dreams Looks Different Than Mine

Maybe before you had kids, you had aspirations of being a school-teacher, or an artist, or of running an ultra-marathon. Or maybe, like me, before you had kids your aspirations centered around being a mom and a wife. 

It doesn’t matter whether your dreams were made of spaceships and NASA, or if they were built on visions of smiling with your newborn and laughing with your preschooler. Each of those are dreams. And each is equally valid. 

The important part is not what the dream was. What is important is who you were in the dream. 

The real goal was not running the marathon. The real dream was to be the kind of person who was disciplined and determined enough to actually do the work and see the accomplishment through.  

We all had dreams at some point. Each of us had visions of who we wanted to be - the kind of mom, wife, friend, writer, artist, career-women we wanted to become. 

You might not be able to do everything you dreamed you would do (life happens, I know). But you can be the person you dreamed would be, even if the things you are doing look different.

3 Reasons Stay At Home Moms Feel Like They Have Lost Their Identity

Why is it so common for mamas, especially stay at home moms, to feel like they have lost their identity after having kids? I am not sure what the exact reason is for you, but here are three common culprits:

1. Everything is about your kids

When all we think about is our kids, our house, our own little ecosystem, we don’t leave ourselves much room to dream and grow. Even if your dream is, and always has been, to raise and nurture your babies, there still needs to be part of your life that centers around people and ideas outside of your own household. 

And besides, no one grows up healthy when they think the universe is centered on them. It’s part of your job to show your kids that it is not.

2. You don’t give yourself time to dream

With all the chores, needs, and time we want to spend with our little ones, there isn’t much left over to give to remembering who we were before we had kids. But here is the thing: if you don’t give yourself that time, it ain’t going to happen. 

It’s up to you to find that time. Carve it out. Make it happen.

3. You lose confidence in yourself

If you don’t believe you can be the woman you once envisioned you would be, you’ll quickly stop letting yourself dream. Without confidence in who you are, you are not going to have the emotional strength to imagine who you want to be. 

5 Ways To Rediscover Yourself After Motherhood

No matter your situation, you can start dreaming again, mama. Here are 5 steps to doing that:

1. Build Your Confidence

One reason we stop dreaming as moms is that we don’t really believe we can accomplish those dreams. Somehow when we become mamas, we lose confidence in who we are without kids.

Have you ever been to a work party with your husband, without the kids, and felt completely uncomfortable? Insecure? Uninteresting? When our identity is wrapped around our kids and being mom, we forget how to be women. 

So how can you begin to rebuild your confidence? Some ideas:

• Wake up before the kids
• Practice! Put yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable 
• Get dressed every day
• Drink more water
• Start a hobby or learn about something new
• Spend time daily in Scripture
• Exercise (want to know the secret to staying fit after kids?)

2. Start a “Dream Journal”

Journaling is all the rage these days, and with 1,532 types of journals out there it can feel overwhelming. But if you find yourself lost in motherhood, having a notebook designated for ideas and dreams can be so helpful. 

Grab some paper, a pen, a cup of tea and spend 15 minutes today dreaming. Use some of these questions to get you started:

• What do I want to be true about myself in 5 years? 10? 
• If I didn’t have kids, what would I be doing? 
• If I had an hour of free time every day, and wasn’t allowed to do anything “productive”, what would I do with it? 
• What did I love to do as a child? Teenager? When I was in my early 20s?

3. Read books and listen to Ted Talks

Exposing ourselves to different viewpoints and opinions expands our own mental capacity. What you dwell on, you become. So start reading and listening to things that are encouraging, inspiring, and that spark your creativity.

4. Play outside with your kids

Getting away from screens, being outside, and watching your kids play and imagine can be so inspiring. Seeing their minds be creative, and forcing yourself to be creative with them, can inspire you to dream a little yourself. Go play mama!

5. Start A Mom Morning Routine (A Mama’s Morning)

One of the reasons we struggle to dream or feel like we have lost ourselves after motherhood is because we do not carve out time to be alone. 

Wake up before the kids and spend time writing in your dream journal, or working on a project you’ve been dreaming about. Slay the monotony of motherhood with some time to yourself in God’s Word, journaling, or doing something else that will encourage growth and learning. 

You can’t begin to dream again if you don’t provide yourself the time to do so. 

6. Remember who your Creator is

Ultimately, if you are not starting with who you are in your Creator, your search to “rediscover yourself” will be never-ending. Spend time with Him and let Him show you who you are. Let Him rebuild those dreams inside of your heart. Let Him begin to form the women He wants you to be.

You can dream again, mama

You can dream again, mama. Your circumstances may not look like you thought they would, but the women you imagined thriving in those perfect-scenario dreams can still shine through the not-so-perfect scenario you find yourself in now. 

Be the woman you dreamed you would be. Your kids are looking up to you. They are watching you. Let them see you pushing yourself. Let them see you smiling. Let them see you laughing. 

What kind of person do you want your kids to be? It is your job to model that for them. 

You’ve got this! 

I’m rooting for you,