Inside: Schedules are crazy, the house is a mess, food needs to be prepped...here's 8 tips to help you be a more present parent even when life is chaotic.
The pangs of hunger were already pulling within my stomach. I could hear the faint rumble cries for food. But we had just gotten back from a trip, had next to nothing in the fridge. An outing to the store was a must.
The kids were thrown into the car as I eased across the ice and snow still left from a cold and snowy month. I already knew what I was going to get - chocolate. Because no matter the circumstances, when I am hungry and at the grocery store I want chocolate.
As we wandered around in the buggy I grabbed everything that was fast, easy, and delicious. Chicken, kale, broccoli, carrots - no one has time to cook that! I needed everything that was quick and simple (even though I was shopping for the whole week - not just right now).
I didn’t have a list to follow. I was going with my heart. And my heart was telling me boxed mac and cheese, sandwich meat and bread, and 70% dark.
Have you ever gone to the grocery store hungry, without a list? If not, don’t. It is a recipe for disaster. Because when you are hungry in a building full of food, self control and logical thinking just do not come naturally.
In the same way, when you are in the midst of your day as a mom, with cold laundry strewn about the bed, a poopy diaper you have to change, and dinner half cooked on the stove, it is really hard to be present and attentive to your kids.
The Power of Being Present With Your Kids
Of all the people in the world, a child’s parents are the ones who are meant to be there for them, support them, and encourage them. The world is full of fast moving pieces, but it is our job to slow it down and demonstrate to our kids that they matter in the midst of it all.
We show them by spending time with them. By listening to what they have to say and looking them in the eyes and doing things they want to do. As parents, we are a vital piece in building our kids' self-confidence and helping them know that they are important. We are not the only piece, but we are the foundation.
9 Tips To Help Mamas Be A More Present Parent
Being present in the midst of everyday life can be a challenge. But what if, like having a list at the grocery store, you had a list of practical things you could do to be more present with your kids?
Here are 9 ways that you can be more connected and present with your kids every day.
1. Set Boundaries
Your kids do not should not run your house. If they do, you are going to feel overrun, burned out, and exhausted. As a result you aren’t going to have the mental energy to truly be engaged and present with your child.
Don’t let the inmates run the asylum. It just creates chaos. And true connection with your kids rarely happens in chaos. Set boundaries. Be the parent.
(I’m not saying your kids are inmates - please don’t be offended! I think I heard that line from Dave Ramsey, and while extreme, it does paint a picture:) )
2. Time block your day
We got back from a trip last weekend and I was planning on using Monday morning to unpack. Normally I am structured when I have a task that needs to be done - I tell the kids what I am about to do and unless they are hurt, I don’t leave my task to help or play or get anything. When they come to me, I remind them what I am doing and tell them I will come when I am done.
For some reason this Monday I didn’t do that. And instead of being completely unpacked in 30 minutes, the unpacking was still in progress 2.5 hours later. I kept getting distracted setting my kids up withanother game or getting them a snack or grabbing a book from a top shelf.
Why this time I did differently, I don’t know. But because I didn’t segment my time, I spent 2.5 hours being frustrated with my kids, instead of taking 30 minutes to unpack and spending the next hour truly engaged.
Time block your day - set aside time to do chores, time to play, time to cook. If you try to do it all at once, you will get nothing done. You will start to feel like your kids are just in the way (and they will sense that, too).
Your kids can wait. And they will be thankful for the full focus you can give to them later.
3. Workout
Being intentional and present takes mental clarity. You can’t have 102 things floating through your brain and truly be connected and present with your child. One of the best ways to get clear is to workout. It frees your mind, gives you confidence, and will provide the energy you need to get down and play with your kids.
4. Eat well
I could not for the life of me figure out why I was foggy-brainy and irritable. Then I remembered that pint of brownie batter (egg free 🙂 ) I ate during nap-time….
Nutrition affects our ability to think. So fuel your body well, mama.
5. Get quiet time alone
My first son was calm and quiet - he didn’t cry much and was very easy going. The second was loud, and had a horrible stretch/yell/scream that he let out every 2-3 minutes. For the first 8 months of his little life I felt like chalk was constantly grating on my brain.
Being in a house with little ones all day can get loud. Our senses get overloaded, to where even the drop of a lego piece makes us want to scream and run out of the room.
We need quiet, and we need time to be alone. We will not be able to truly see and engage with our kids if we aren’t disciplined to get time alone every day.
6. Designate a phone area
Don’t let your phone take the place of your kids. Don’t let them see your eyes directed to your screen more than they are directed at their own. They will start to pick up on where your priorities really lie.
Choose a place in your home to leave your phone during the day. Turn the volume up as loud as it will go so that you can hear it even if you are in another room. You don’t need to check your phone immediately when you get a text - it can wait.
7. Start the day knowing what your priorities are
The past couple of months I have been starting my mornings with this journal to help me focus on gratitude, quiet my mind, and decide what matters most to me each day. Most mornings the answer to that question, what matters most to me today, is the same - I want my kids and husband to know that they are seen and loved. Writing that down is a powerful reminder that everything else is secondary.
Start each morning setting your priorities, and the rest will fall into place a little easier.
8. Play! (especially when you don’t feel like it)
My son asked me to wrestle. I didn’t want to. I was feeling lazy. Plus there were clothes to fold and dinner to cook. Everything in me wanted to say no. But I looked into his little blue eyes and said “ok buddy. Let’s do it”
And you know what happened? I had fun. Instead of pulling away, I dove in. And we laughed and played and tackled and talked.
You can choose to have fun with your kids. Even when you don’t want to. You aren’t often going to feel like being present. But you have to choose to do it anyway.
Tip: set a timer. If your kids ask you to play, say yes! But let them know you have to cook dinner so you only have 15 minutes (or 10, or 5). Then set a timer and play hard, and play fully.
9. Do chores together
Folding clothes with a 4 and 2 year old can feel like that little crab on the sandy beach trying to get to his hole. He keeps chugging along, only to get pushed back with every wave that gently rolls onto shore.
But you know what? When I give my boys the chance to go play or help me fold clothes they choose folding clothes 95% of the time. Because they just want to be with me, and they want to feel helpful.
Even though it is frustrating and time consuming, do chores with your kids. And talk. Let them feel like they are in it with you, and that their conversation is meaningful to you.
Go and be present with your kids
It might be that you need to take care of your own physical body a little better so that your mind can be more clear and intentional. Or maybe you just need some more structure in your day to help you define your priorities. Or it could be you just need some practical ideas for how to be present in the midst of everyday life. Whichever category you find yourself in, adjust and pivot so that you can be the present mama you know you want to be for your kids.
Never grocery shop hungry. And never enter a day without some practical tools to help you focus and engage with your little ones. You can do it, mama.
I’m rooting for you!
