Inside: Feeling lost as a stay-at-home mom? This guide will help you identify your values, interests, and strengths to find your purpose and live a more fulfilling life.
"I feel untethered" I told Lance just last year.
While I couldn't quite put my finger on it at the time, I felt like I was floating. Purposeless. Walking through the days in a haze, not sure exactly where or what the endpoint was.
5 steps to finding your purpose as a SAHM
If you're feeling lost or aimless in this role as a SAHM, you're not alone.
Often it can feel like it's society making us feel this way - and maybe to an extent that's true. When the question is so often asked:
“what do you do?”
no one gets bright-eyed when the response is, “I stay at home with my kids!"
I have experienced this to be true. When I used to work as an engineer and could answer in that way, eyes always brightened. They don’t seem to as often now.
But we don't need to blame society, because more than society making us feel less-then, we are doing it to ourselves.
Here are 5 steps to help you gain confidence and find your purpose as a stay at home mom.
1. Be in the Word of God
Living life without daily being in the Word of God is like trying to walk through a corn maze, in the dark, without a map. While at times it can feel fun and freeing, ultimately it's lonely, aimless, unfruitful, and sometimes downright scary.
Without the constant reminder of our greater purpose in honoring and glorifying God, it's far to easy to slip into feeling like it's all for naught. Because without Him, it really is.
Start a quiet time to be in the Word of God. Everyday. And be reminded of the story God is authoring through His creation and His kingdom. You are in that story right now.
If finding the time to read the Bible is a struggle, start waking up before the kids. It's a habit you'll never regret forming.
"Waking up before the kids, to be in the Word of God, is a habit you'll never regret forming."
2. Reflect on your values and priorities
In the midst of diapers, stirring the spaghetti, and wiping down the toilet for the fourth time today, loosing sight of your purpose as a stay at home mom comes naturally. On the flip side, finding and remembering your calling takes conscious effort.
Carve out intentional time to reflect on your values and priorities. Brainstorm. Use a pen and paper to write down what comes to mind.
Remember these definitions and examples as you think through this:
values: individual beliefs that motivate people to act one way or another.
examples: simplicity, faith, doing things together, having fun, living in an orderly home, honoring God with our lives, adding value to our community.
priorities: a thing(s) that are regarded as more important than the other (what matters most to you right now).
examples: teaching my kids the truth of the Word, getting one load of laundry a day, creating a peaceful home, laughing with my kids every day, serving in my church.
Be as specific as you can about those values and priorities. If you feel stuck, a few of these journal prompts for moms might be a good place to start.
3. Make a list
Name your top 3-5 values, and then choose which 3-5 items on your priorities list align with those values. Now prioritize those priorities (not redundant at all 🙂 ). What matters most for you and your family in this season of life?
Number a page, 1-5 (or whatever is applicable), and write down your priorities in order.
4. Write out a Mom Mission Statement
When googling a new recipe, how do you choose which one to try? Is it based on the list of ingredients? The reviews?
For me, it mostly comes down to the photo of the dish. That's what gets me to click. If it looks enticing, delicious, and visually appealing, I'm all in.
A mom mission statement is like that recipe photo - it provides motivation and a visual for the mama you want to be. This mission statement will help guide your decisions while you're cooking going about your day, and will provide a focused reminder when life starts to feel muddled.
So how do you create a Mom's Mission Statement?
Look at that list of priorities, and condense it down to a sentence or two. When everything goes haywire, what do you want to remind yourself of? In five years from now, what do you want to be true about who you and your family are today?
An added bonus of the Mom Mission Statement: it will help you say "No, thank you!" when an opportunity comes up that doesn't fit in with your priorities.
5. Create daily/weekly schedules that align with your priorities
Once you've chosen that fabulous looking photo, you need the recipe.
While the photo gives you a visual of your goal and a general guide of what you're making, it's the recipe that keeps you going - the step-by-step you know you can trust because you've seen the end result!
A rough daily schedule is like your very own recipe that'll give you those steps.
Write down both a daily and weekly stay at home mom schedule that aligns with your mom's mission statement. It won't be perfect, but it will give you a blueprint as you move through your days.
Why we feel lost in motherhood
One thing I’ve learned from talking with other mama friends is that so many of us out there feel lost in motherhood. We don't always feel like we're exactly where we need to be. We feel like we need to be doing more: making more money, serving more in our community, getting more schooling, having more babies…
Oh mama, you don’t need more kids, or to homeschool, or to prove you’re oh-so-busy to make your life as a stay at home mom more valuable.
Your kid(s) alone are worth it.
Stop comparing.
Instead, take stock of the life you and your family are building, and set priorities that are consistant with that. Than live a life that aligns with those values.
Your most important job
I am convinced that one of the most important roles a human being can be given is to be a mama. And I believe that if you’re a stay-at-home mama right now, you’ve been given one of the greatest gifts.
This truly is a calling and a privilege. And maybe you’ve heard that before and maybe you’ve said it before as well, but do you truly believe it? Do you feel it in your bones? I hope you do. But if not, if those feelings of unworthiness or worthlessness still creep in - when you start to feel like what you’re doing isn’t quite good enough and maybe you should be doing more (but you're not sure what) - it's time for you to take time to find your purpose as a stay at home mom.
Remember, if you're in the process of finding your purpose as a stay at home mom, here are the 5 steps:
- Be in the Word of God
- Reflect on Your Priorities and Values
- Make a List (rank your priorities)
- Write down a Mom's Mission Statement
- Create daily/weekly SAHM schedules
My Purpose as a SAHM
I have a calling. I’ve been certain of it, and I’ve never swayed from knowing this is exactly where I need to be. I know God has brought me here, to this place for a reason. I know He has things to teach me, things to show me, ways to grow me, and people He wants to use me to mold.
I have a calling. And it’s this calling of motherhood.
I am raising disciples.
The two kids in my home, right now, are important. They are going to go out into the crazy, sometimes harsh, beautiful world one day, and they need the support and foundation that God has given me the responsibility to build.
This is important work, mama. Maybe the most important work. We are making disciples. We are training and loving and teaching. We have this opportunity to show our kids how much they are valued and loved and cared for in a world that will one day try to tell them otherwise.
You are right where you need to be.
And that kid (or multiple) are exactly who you were put on this earth, at this moment, to be with.
I’m rooting for you,
