Inside: Social Media can be such a great way to connect with others, but it can also steal your joy. Here are some social media boundaries when that starts to happen:
Cold air was ripping through my hair, knotting it into tangled balls at the base of my neck. I tucked my hands deep into the sleeves of my jacket. Both my boys were high up in a tree, enjoying every moment of our banishment.
It was nearing dinnertime, but instead of being inside my warm kitchen cooking supper, I was out with my kids passing the time. My husband had an important meeting in his home office, and with an 1,100 sq ft house, the boys and I needed to be out.
I was not in the mood to be playmate - I was tired, ready for the day to be done, and craving some quiet to myself. So I snuck around a bush, slipped my hand into my pocket, and pulled put my phone....
How much time do moms really spend on social media?
According to Edison Research, moms in the US spend more than 4 hours a day on the interest. I'm willing to bet that if that time was broken down into a pie chart, the largest chuck of that 4 hour pie would be owned by social media.
It's hard to resist the social media urge as a stay at home mom - we're craving distraction and connection to other adults. While in the moment the scroll feels liberating, the reality is this: social media is more likely to steal our joy, than it is to energize and refuel us.
5 ways social media might be stealing your joy
1. We race by the very moments we will long for later
"Enjoy every moment, because they'll be grown before you know it!"
was the one piece of advice that seemed to come from everywhere - the nursery volunteers at church, the Kroger butcher, friends, a stranger at a minor league baseball game...
I bet you've heard the same thing, too.
What they're really saying is: STOP.
Stop and:
- look at your baby in the eyes
- leave the laundry for another 45 minutes.
- say no to the 100th invitation you've had to volunteer or help out with something.
- put the phone down.
It's so easy to get lost in the mind candy that is social media. And, if we're not careful, we're going to lose the small, everyday moments with our littles because our eyes are pointed down towards our devices instead of looking forward at their sweet little faces.
We've got to create undistracted space and time for the joyful moments.
2. We compare
We all do it. Whether online or not. But social media has made it so much easier. The danger is we often like the life we see depicted more than we like the life we are creating in our own homes.
We compare:
- our parenting to their parenting
- our lifestyle to their lifestyle
- our physical appearance to theirs
The list really could go on and on, couldn't it? It has to stop.
Be honest with yourself about the answer to this question: am I more often being inspired, energized, and uplifted by social media (so that I want to get off and go live my life), or does it leave me wanting more and a little more distracted then I was before?
3. It's making us less patient with our kids
Here are three quick way we're losing patience with our little ones because of social media:
- They interrupt our Instagram browse. Just typing that out feels icky. But isn't it the sad truth? It feels like they've ripped the mind candy we're gnawing on right out of our mouths, But I don't want to be the mom that priorities my time with Instagram over my kid.
- We're trying to get the perfect picture to post of our perfect day, and those darn kids are messing it up! So Instead of enjoying, we get irritated and impatient with them. But I don't think we'll regret missing out on posting a picture. What we're more likely to regret is the way we acted towards our kids while trying to get them to look great for the camera.
- Sometimes it’s not about getting the right picture, but feeling the right emotions. We see a perfect sensory activity online that we want to try out. The kids look so happy, the mess stays perfectly in the clear plastic tub...we want that same carefree "we are learning but having fun!" experience. But our kiddos are not cooperating. So in frustration we get irritated instead of enjoying the messiness with our little ones.
Being a more patient parent takes intentionality, and a good place to start is by putting the phone down.
4. We're ignoring our natural parenting instincts to follow the advice of other mamas
We go to other women who we don't know, who don't know us, and who don't know our children. So in reality, taking their advice doesn't really make much sense, does it?
We're all given natural mama instincts. You were created to be the mother of your children. God created your children knowing you would be their mama. If the advice we're getting is from other mamas who do not know our child, our situation, or our circumstances, the advice may not be a good fit.
When we are trying to parent from the advice and perspective of someone else, we loose the joy of motherhood.
Most importantly, if we have an issue with our newborn, or toddler, elementary aged child, or teenager, we need to start going to God first before looking to other moms on social media for advice and tips.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind" James 1:5-6
5. We Feel More Isolated And Alone
We ache for deeper relationships. But they can be hard and uncomfortable to cultivate.
It's far easier to be on social media than it is to build, grow, and foster real relationships.
But nothing can compete with real, gritty relationships. Relationships like that only come if we're out looking for and working to build them.
The feeling of isolation is made worse when it seems like we're the only ones who are experiencing the messy, confusing, ugly, down right hard things. Yes, there is a trend of vulnerability online, but so often it still looks glamorous.
I love what I heard Jon Acuff say on a podcast one time:
"We were made to live local"
Let's do more of that.
>>> Read: How To Make Friends As A SAHM
6 Social Media Boundaries For Moms
I hope you're not feeling shame or guilt right now. If anything I hope you feel encouraged to move forward.
I love the Maya Angelou quote:
"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."
So if you're ready for a change, here are 6 social media boundaries you can set to get the joy back in motherhood.
1. Pretend like your phone is a landline
It's as simple as this: designate a spot in your house where your phone stays while you're at home. Turn the volume up loud, and then go about your day.
2. Designate "phone time"
While your phone is at it's phone station, designate two to three times a day that are your "phone times". These are the times you can respond to non-urgent texts and get on social media.
My designated "phone times" are before the kids wake up, during nap time, and after the kids are down for bed. Think about the rhythm of your day, and decide what times make the most sense to be on your phone.
3. Go on a social media fast
Back in December I went on a distraction fast - it was powerful. Take some time off social. During that time be intentional about noticing what, if anything, changes in your life.
4. Write down what you're grateful for daily
Bite comparison in the booty, and focus on what's good in your life instead of what's going on in someone else's (this practice will also help you be more grateful in the tough times).
5. Wait a week before you post any pictures
Enjoy the moment in the moment. Take the picture, and if a week later it's a good one that you want to share, share away. But don't take a picture with the intent of sharing it right away.
6. Go to God before your phone for advice
Instead of running online and to social media every time you have a parenting question, bring it to God first. If it's a medical question, actually call your doctor to ask, instead of getting the advice of other moms on social.
I didn't finish the story...
Remember that evening I told you about at the beginning of this post? When I was with my boys, in the cold, tired and ready for the day to be over?
I didn't quite finish the story.
I reached my hand into my pocket as I hid behind a bush, ready to grab my phone and fade away into Facebook.
But something stopped me. I realized I didn't want to be that kind of mama. I didn't want to be hiding behind a plant so my kids wouldn't see me; so they wouldn't see that I preferred my screen over them.
So I pulled my hand out of my jacket, turned around, and went back to my boys. I forced myself to look at them and engage with them. We laughed and climbed and explored - and it ended up being not-so-terrible after all.
I know you'll find the same - there is far more joy to be found in gritty life with our children than there is to be discovered within the screens of our phones.
Is it time for you to set your own social media boundaries?
I don't think social media is all bad, and I don't necessarily think everyone should delete their accounts and forget social all together. But I do think we need to be cognizant of how we are spending our time, and what our choices are doing to our families, our communities, and our own self-esteem.
So let's be more intentional about how we're using social media. And let's remember those little eyes are always watching, and those little hearts are just trying to figure out where they stand in the world.
I'm rooting for you,
